i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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