So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize