go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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