Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
