woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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