am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
