she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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