well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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