Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize