I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
