you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
