i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
