just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
