My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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