i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
