Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
