I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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