i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
