Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
