I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
