just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize