there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
