am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
