I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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