he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I could fuck to npr.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
