What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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