fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
