new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
