Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
