he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
