How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize
