Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
