I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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