Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
