Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
