Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
