if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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