billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
whose ass print is on the piano?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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