Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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