So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
