she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
