I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
