So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
