If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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