I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
