She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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