WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
