I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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