forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
