i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
