If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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