Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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