Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
