Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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