It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
