I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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