hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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