I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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