To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
