shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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