Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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