You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
