Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
