ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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