I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
