I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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