Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
