I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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