I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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