i need an iv and a liver transplant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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