I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
