Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
