I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
