Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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