If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
