it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
