Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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