if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
