I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
