You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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