I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
