His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
