Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize