I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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