A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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