Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
