I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
