Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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