I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
