seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
