I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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