my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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