I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
