that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All the doctor said was why
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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