Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
