So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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