Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
