My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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