I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
