I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
