so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize