I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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