ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
