Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
