Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
