your parents love me but you hate me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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